Hiraeth

“a homesickness for a home to which you cannot return, a home that maybe never was; the nostalgia, the yearning, the grief for lost places in your past”

Have you ever had that feeling of longing, but nor for something to come, rather something passed?
Those reflect moments of la vie en rose, when the world seemed simpler, all time slowed and all that existed was the unadulterated moment?

A sense of nostalgia, a desire erupting from the caverns of your soul so pure and insatiable. An overcoming grief for that place, that time, that moment. That is hiraeth. It is a beautiful thing, yet terrifying and melancholy. It is like having a great itch but no ability to scratch it.

There are many moments of my life which evoke hiraeth.
Biking at sunrise around thepeaceful waters of Sun Moon Lake in Taiwan, seeing nothing but a single paddle fishing boat resting upon the water, a glass like reflection presenting the awe inspiring landscape in double, and the glimmers of the sun breaking across the the sky.
Moments walking along the road in Pyatigorsk, Russia, purchasing a small portion of fresh strawberries and taking in the crisp air.
Hiking along the Abel Tasman track in New Zealand, feet sore yet mind racing full of joy a the most wondrous beaches one could envision. Arriving at the cabin lounging in the sun talking with few friends.
Simple moments sat in a coffee shop with a woman who, at the time, seemed to be the one.
Sitting around a picnic bench in the backyard of a friends house in New Zealand, sipping on a bottle of Thomas & Rose cider.

Often it takes just a song. Sometimes not even one truly associated with the moment, to bring you into that moment past.

I do not know how many of these moments I recall in truth, or how many may even be real at all. The one thing I know is the innate longing within my soul for them. This is beautiful, but as a feeling of totality it cannot do. It does not do to dwell on dreams, and forget to live.

This feeling of hiraeth, the unscratchable itch in the mind for these things past, is in part what I imagine heaven to be like. An innate bliss sitting in the unadultered new world and in full experience and Glory of a perfect, good, and wondrous Creator.